We're like a lot better than the average bears
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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