Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
