you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
