I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
