His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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