remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
