am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
