In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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