last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize