don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
