also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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