He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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