capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
