I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
