i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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