and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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