I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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