Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
