she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
