Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
