Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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