Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
