WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
