My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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