I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
