i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
