I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
