im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
