I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
