I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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