sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
