I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
no, he came in my armpit
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
