M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
