Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
