It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
