Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
