Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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