Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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