I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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