His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So squirting runs in the family.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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