i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
