We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
