I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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