It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
