so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Operation Purity has been aborted
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Still dying that you shit outside
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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