i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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