I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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