So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
