I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
