I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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