i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
