im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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