Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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