return my video game
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
His nipple licking is glorious
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