you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
