I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
