Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
