My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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