I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
