Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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