Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
